i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize