Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Randomize
