Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
