You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
