That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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