i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
