god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
love makes seman taste better
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
