it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
