I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Randomize
