It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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