Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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