Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
