If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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