i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he puts the penis in happiness.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
