Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
