you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
