dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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