oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize