It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
