i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
