i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
