need another drink. this is the easiest way
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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