be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
