Come see our sink grown plant.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Come share oat with me in your robe
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
