I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
