You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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