Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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