And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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