those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
