naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
