We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
