I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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