does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
