I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
