Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
