You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
