well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
