and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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