Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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