I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
