Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize