I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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