So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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