what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
