if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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