Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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