nut hugger
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
