I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
