Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
