i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
