i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
its liver damage thursday
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
