I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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