I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
