she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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