You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
