Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
