my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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