dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
