You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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