just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just found puke in my bra..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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