apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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