your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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