my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
