i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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