I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
