Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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