Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
