yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Bring me that man meat
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
