speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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