BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
