Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
