looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I smell like Dick and happiness
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
