I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
