I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
