you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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