i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
