I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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